OG 90 Day Fiancé Season 7 Premiere Recap

Beloveds, gather round as my American neighbors bring us to all new lows on The Learning Channel’s OG installment of 90 Day Fiancé. Couples are already engaged and have entered the K1 Visa process so their significant other can reside in the States.

Sleazy Sommelier and an Actual Model or At Least that’s what Google had said (Michael and Juliana): Stay away from her! Get a job! Creep! He apparently met her on a yacht on Croatia, but doesn’t hint why she was there. He apparently was going to sponsor her as an employer for her modeling career, so this loser said let’s just get the K1 Visa. A move from boss to spouse — sis is going to fit right into America. His kids are fucking delightful! Oh get this, their new pad is right around the corner from his ex-wife’s.

The Bee Keepers (Anna and Mursel): We meet her and her three sons and then we meet her Turkish Delight, Mursel. They started showing them each others honeycombs and had never met in person despite being engaged. Apparently, her children have never met him yet neither their trip or video chat. Mursel doesn’t want her to drink and she doesn’t want to stop. Stop – Jesse and Darcey already did this storyline. When he finally lands at the airport, you get one of the most cringeworthy scenes in the show’s history.

The Beauty and the Beast (Tania and Syngin): Wow imagine your TV intro showing the world you shopping for pegging – legend status. We meet Ronald’s neighba! So sis was actually in Ronald’s neck of the woods to meet another dude, but he was a shit, so sis when to the clurb and met Syngin who is still unlearning his APARTHEID y’all. They are going to live in a shed in her momma’s backyard. Pull Darcey moves – showing the boyfriend NYC for a few days and then going to Connecticut. Sorry to this state. Tania goes into a panic attack because he’s already landed and she hella late. She ready for that pink dick, stop holding her up all you commuters!

Duolingo Failure and White Future (Emily and Sasha): Sis has been living in Russia for three years and can’t order a fucking tea. But then again, she thought the picture painted in Russian literature would mean the country is like fucking Disneyland. Dostoevsky is like “goooooooorl, you in for a treat lol”. She got knocked up her personal trainer who can barely speak English. He has two children with two other women. This heffa who can’t speak Russian referred to his ex-wives as mistakes. Sis, you’re going to be another mistake soon. Whenever I’m hit with reality based questions, I just cry and say “I’m dizzy” and hang up too.

The Rideshare and Shawty (Robert and Anny): Dude spent eight hours with her in real life and then he proposed. Rideshare’s edges at breakfast looked like OP’s after a long study session. He’s basically looking for someone to take care of his kid. She’s putting out for an iPhone. He wants to purchase her lingerie but has no clue of her size – loser. Anny is her to collect her babysitting fees and go.

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