I would be better off if I was gay…

I’m a 23 yr outdated virgin male who has by no means had a girlfriend.

I’ve been known as “ugly as fuck” purchase dozens, if not a whole bunch of ladies/ladies.

I even posted my image on the rateme subreddit, enormous mistake. There was one lady who stated I used to be good trying, then everybody began bullying her saying issues like “Appears such as you and OP had been made for one another.” As if i used to be a legal or one thing. She was bullied into deleting her account.

I’m fortunate if I’m informed that I’m “common trying”, however there’s nothing beneficial about being “common” in fashionable society, you’re both a low finish loser or excessive finish profitable winner.

A really, very small variety of ladies/ladies have informed me I’m really “engaging”, “cute”, and even “horny”. However that is such a small quantity, and the “ugly as fucks” are so ridiculously many, and I’ve solely had a girlfriend or relationships (in the event that they even rely) on-line lengthy distance, and I by no means need something to do with any LDR ever once more, as a result of it’ll simply finish, and even when not I’ve the issue of being unable to even help myself.

I’m very behind, have darkish years that held me again that aren’t frequent exterior of Japan (so many Japanese are shut ins and may’t get laid that they in all probability really have to let immigrants transfer into their nation) and nonetheless battle with most simple issues.

Probably the most fucked up a part of me not leaving the home for two years was that I WANTED to, however PHYSICALLY COULDN’T GET INTO TOWN (it was a distant rural space). My mother stated she shouldn’t should drive me into city, and I walked for three hours and nonetheless couldn’t get into city.

Properly right here in civilization now, have a job that’s not seasonal and never fired earlier than 90 days, however it’s primarily for youngsters who by no means labored and mentally disabled individuals.

Don’t get me mistaken, I’m grateful for having a job, however it’s lifeless finish, and never even 40 hours assured per week would enable me to afford any hire.

I’m simply now actually attempting to study to drive, as a result of Uber and Lyft is simply too pricey and unreliable for major transportation (highways get all of the funding, ain’t no transit besides downtown) however I’m nonetheless scared, as a result of if I can my do JUST THIS ONE THING (driving) I can by no means stay by myself. Any job that pays respectable (with out requiring school) requires a driver license, even when it’s in an space with transit.

Going to highschool is one thing I don’t even WANT to do now, I couldn’t once I ought to have (nor did I carry out properly in highschool) and actually don’t need to now.

Simply transportation (Uber/Lyft, which id all the time have to make use of to go to highschool now) could be $20+ a day (not counting going to or from work) and only a monetary demise entice.

And god rattling, fuck algebra, which it’s important to do, letters and numbers don’t go collectively!

Simply typing this (my posts all the time flip into one thing lengthy and initially unintended) is giving me a headache, every part is jumbling up and onerous to speak.

I really feel like all choices/life paths obtainable are actually onerous and terrifying, in all probability one of many easiest methods to clarify.

Oh yeah, and whereas such a lot of ladies/ladies have known as me “ugly as fuck” (not simply on-line, my complete college life too, you already know, Okay-12 college) I’ve been hit on by quite a few guys saying how sizzling I’m and begging me “please let me fuck you”.

It’s like I’m imagined to be homosexual? Why the fuck do a bunch of homosexual guys need me however I’m “ugly as fuck” to so many women/ladies???? I’d be higher off homosexual, or with none sense of sexuality, like chemical castration.

Even when I used to be rich, ladies would begin wanting me FOR MY MONEY, and I’d by no means know in the event that they REALLY DID LOVE ME.

It’s so onerous to have motivation to even strive something now, like what’s the purpose? If I believe all the women who known as me ugly are simply bitches, than I’m both an asshole or a narcissist “attempting to guard my ego”, despite the fact that I used to be simply attempting to suppose positively and with self worth (which is outwardly nugatory and/or makes me “delusional” as a result of “if you happen to’re ugly, you’re ugly”.

I’m in all probability forgetting one thing in my phrase salad, however I typically want somebody would FORCE me to vary, for my very own good, like put a gun to my head and pull the set off if I don’t do issues I have to do to enhance. If I try to fail (performed that) possibly simply pull the set off, as a result of “solely lazy bums and retards fail, particularly on the “primary” components of life”.

Holy fucking shit, I used to be simply caught with a sudden realization, and I actually felt it strongly. I’ve been informed “If you wish to enhance in life, do one thing to vary it.” I did do one thing actually dramatic and it price me my life financial savings and almost made me homeless. I assumed failing that unhealthy for attempting to begin life made me a fucking idiotic idiot, however then I spotted (simply now) possibly, simply possibly, attempting AND FAILING is definitely THE KEY, a NORMAL PROCESS???

Perhaps, attempting AND FAILING, is definitely the way in which to success, as in it’s the conventional means, and doesn’t imply you’re silly or disabled?

I nonetheless don’t utterly perceive, possibly I simply can’t course of the world and actuality the way in which most individuals do, possibly the individuals who known as me ugly don’t really symbolize as many individuals as I assumed. Perhaps I’m simply delusional, I imply, it doesn’t make sense. How can I be a lot worse than the overwhelming majority of individuals? Perhaps I’M NOT, and I’ve simply requested/been within the mistaken locations which had been stuffed with poisonous individuals (on-line and offline once I was at school) which solely created the ILLUSION that I’m UNIVERSALLY “ugly as fuck”.

One thing I take into consideration rather a lot, I want there was some medical research the place I might have my mind actually reprogrammed to make me a NORMAL AND SUCCESSFUL particular person. Lots of people would say such a process could be unethical, however I’d say FUCK THAT, as a result of I’m not proud of who I’m and really feel I can solely have a cheerful and profitable life if I do SOMETHING DRAMATIC (one thing dramatic bought me out of that fucking home out within the goddamned center of nowhere!)

I assume I really feel like whereas I need a greater life, I don’t really feel sufficient drive to place in onerous work? I really feel like if I might stay a traditional completely satisfied life it ought to have simply occurred, as a result of most individuals had no problem with it and no interval of full stagnation.

Am I mentally insane?

submitted by /u/NoClue32
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