They are saying that if you find yourself feeling low to consider all of your blessings and it’ll assist to carry you up.
The previous couple of months have been stuffed with highs and lows. I miss my mother terribly, and now that she’s gone bodily I really feel like all of the years of lacking her have hit me like a brick. I missed her whereas she was alive, however I attempted to maintain it collectively to take care of her. I nonetheless had her right here to hug and even discuss to, even when she did not perceive. Now she is gone, and the grief of the previous 7-10 years have caught up with me. My thoughts turns again to so many issues….again to how she was earlier than she was identified; again to the little adjustments, earlier than she was identified, that left me feeling harm and bitter; again to studying how one can love her once more, regardless of her sickness; again to the previous yr, months, days and hours of her life.
It is onerous to not look again and surprise why. Why did this occur to my mother? Why did God enable this to occur to her? So many occasions we had prayed for a miraculous therapeutic. The place was our miracle?
I do not suppose there’s all the time a why. Generally, unhealthy issues occur to good folks. Generally God steps in and typically he lets life play out. Generally there is a motive or a much bigger objective, and typically it is simply the luck of the draw. Both method, I do consider that there are issues that we are able to study from every hand we’re dealt. We will select to let the grief eat us and to crumble below the stress, or we are able to select to develop and stretch ourselves in ways in which we by no means thought potential. That does not imply that there aren’t moments of grief. I’ve spilled many tears alongside the way in which and proceed to take action even now. However, as I sit again and mirror on all we have been via, I understand that we’ve been blessed many occasions alongside the street. God did not reply our one large prayer; Mother by no means discovered a treatment. However there have been so many, many little prayers that have been answered alongside the way in which. The journey has been onerous, however I do know he did not flip His again on us. I assumed it would assist to jot down down a few of the blessings, the miracles, the answered prayers, that we’ve witnessed over the previous a number of years.
To start out with, Mother by no means knew what hit her. In her youthful years, she did make point out just a few occasions about how she was afraid to die or go away behind her household at a younger age. It was such a ache to get her prognosis however in a method it was a blessing that it took so lengthy as a result of Mother by no means needed to know that she was dwelling with a terminal sickness.
Mother was in a position to be house till the very finish. This isn’t typical of this illness. It was so necessary to my dad to maintain her at house and I do know that is what Mother would have needed, too. Little question she lived longer as a result of she was in a position to keep house. It wasn’t simple, however it was a giant blessing to us to have her house.
Mother by no means acquired violent. So many individuals with FTD grow to be violent and find yourself having to be sedated or dwelling in a facility. I do not understand how we’d’ve been in a position to handle her at house with caregivers and grandkids and so forth if she had grow to be violent.
We all the time had the assistance we would have liked. Throughout our transitional time, we had candy women from our church come over to volunteer and watch Mother. We had household assist for a interval as nicely and each time we began to get apprehensive about needing to rent one other caregiver or two, somebody turned up.
Up till the very finish, Mother by no means turned absolutely incontinent. Whereas she spent her final yr in diapers, it was largely simply pee that we needed to change and he or she nonetheless used the bathroom every so often. I will not get into full particulars on the bathroom points, however what a blessing it was to not have to alter poopy diapers each day. I do know that was one factor my dad apprehensive about and do not get me mistaken, we did have messes to scrub every so often. Since she went via the toileting motions on a regular basis, it helped considerably to ease that burden.
Mother was wholesome. Pneumonia and UTI’s are widespread and frequent in dementia sufferers and we have been fortunate to not have even one UTI, an infection or pneumonia incident. We had one hospitalization earlier on to take away her gall bladder; apart from that we hardly ever needed to take her to the medical doctors for any sorts of sicknesses. It made it tougher getting her certified for hospice, however how lucky for her and for us that we did not need to cope with the challenges of sicknesses and hospitals!
Mother by no means forgot Dad, and I consider she by no means forgot me both. She mentioned each of our names up till just a few months earlier than she handed away. Despite the fact that she could not communicate any phrases these previous few months, she knew who my dad was and he or she appeared to know who I used to be. She forgot most everybody else (though she could have recognized deep down and was unable to speak it), however I’m particularly grateful that she all the time knew my dad.
When her time was nearing the tip, there was quite a lot of concern and nervousness. The largest factor we apprehensive about was her being in ache and having a dramatic, painful, end-of-life expertise. We prayed so much, particularly my dad. He requested God to spare her the ache, to let her go in her sleep. That’s precisely how she went. Her passing was very peaceable and he or she did not appear to be in any ache throughout these previous few days.
A lot of prayers went up for relations (who needed to say their good-byes) to make it in time to see Mother earlier than she went. The evening nurse on that Tuesday evening earlier than had thought she’d move via that evening, or by the tip of the day Wednesday. The final visiting member of the family flew in Friday morning and Mother handed Saturday morning. All people made it to see her and he or she spent that final week surrounded by so many individuals who liked her.
Let’s not neglect to say the timing of all of it. The large bummer was that we missed my cousin’s marriage ceremony. BUT, the timing of all the pieces was really wonderful. When Mother began to take a flip, and I had a giant gala that I used to be placing on for the muse, I turned apprehensive. I admit that I did pray that nothing would occur earlier than the occasion, and he or she was spared throughout that point. Having all the pieces occur in the course of the summer season allowed my brother and his household to be right here for many of the summer season, each to spend time together with her and to be together with her throughout her final moments. I’ll endlessly be grateful that they have been right here with me throughout these final two weeks, particularly when the hospice physician got here to present his evaluation. All the grandkids have been out of faculty and in a position to be the place they needed to be: by grandma’s facet. We opted out of the additional curricular actions over the summer season, a call I had struggled with however had turned out to be one other blessing.
Household, buddies, church household…we have been blessed with so many nice individuals who helped us to get via this difficult time from meals to the funeral luncheon to items and playing cards. I’ve written so much about this on my different posts, so I will not get prolonged right here, however I do consider folks have been impressed to do all that they did to assist us get via. They have been our angels.
There are such a lot of different little miracles we noticed alongside the way in which. Just like the time once we needed to take her automotive keys away and it turned out she had a flat tire and would not have been in a position to drive that day, anyway. Or the time that she wandered onto a busy road and a church member simply occurred to be passing by and located her, placing her of their automotive and driving her house. Or the time when my sister arrived, simply within the nick of time, to intercept my dad’s coin assortment that she was trying to spend on her sleep assist medication on the retailer. And even the truth that the cashiers on the retailer watched out for her throughout that point (when she would sneak out of the home to try to purchase her meds!) We all the time gave the impression to be one step forward of catastrophe and it was nothing in need of a miracle.
All of us have our personal beliefs and I’m actually not making an attempt to drive mine on anybody. To me, it appears apparent that there have been moments of divine intervention, so many greater than I even wrote about. So many prayers have been answered alongside the way in which. I can’t be satisfied that any of this was coincidence. I’ll all the time mourn the lack of my mother. Perhaps the day will come the place I will not sit and surprise why. Perhaps. Mother did not discover a treatment, however God helped us via. I’m grateful for the tender mercies and the blessings that we’ve been given all through this journey.